Are You Listening to What You Should Say?
There is the paralysis of not knowing what to say. What should be said. What should be heard.
There is the freedom of simply saying.
Of sitting down while your brain recedes to the background and your fingers move to the foreground so the things that come out are those which themselves wish to be said, which have been waiting, paused, held floating within your ribcage, hoping for you to unbar the gates.
There is the reaction, and there is the release.
We base often the release on the anticipated reaction even though reaction, by definition, is a thing that follows.
The focus, if we can commit to honesty (and can’t we?), should be on the release.
Let the reaction be what it is; let the people see and think and respond how they wish. Our responsibility is to ourselves, to letting out what is in while listening, watching, and hopefully—if barely—understanding better what and who we are.
How can we offer a thing if we have not given ourselves the space to possess it?
There are times when I dance around the computer, glancing down and around and doing everything but taking a seat to tip tap the keys because fear and doubt tell me that nothing I have to say will be worthwhile.
I want to impress you, I want to connect with you, I want to make you feel something. I want you to share a feeling with me and I want to create within a space nonexistent a thing that exists despite and defiant.
The only way for me to do so is to let pass the things that leak out my fingers, without thought and without predilection.
Sometimes I forget, and I’m sorry about that.
But thank you for helping me by talking to me. Thank you for being here.
I should point out, I suppose, that the type of writing I’m (vaguely) addressing is not the factual, journalistic, or even story-telling type. It’s something else, it’s this thing I’m trying to do on a path toward finding…something.
What is it?
At any rate, if you think something now (or even later….or even before), please leave a comment!